Something I've Been Thinking About

"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Something I've Been Thinking About

A Poem by Brigid Cooley

When I was 12, my best friend lost her virginity in a bathroom stall, to a boy who didn't know what he was doing and didn't care about her at all.

When she told me the story, there were tears streaming down her face; she apologized and asked me if I thought her stomach looked swollen.

I am not sure if she ever told her mom.

I once walked in on her scraping at the skin on her wrists as though it was the winter and time to shed; time to start anew.

That is the summer she started wearing rubber bands in the pool; one day she asked me if I believed that girls like her deserved love like the movies.

I told her, "Girls like you deserve so much more."

Those were the days when I learned to be wary of boys with beautiful eyes and flattering words.

That is when I decided that me, I'd hold out for Love, and if he never came, at least I would be happy knowing that my stomach wasn't swollen; maybe I wouldn't apologize each time I cried.

It's been years now.

I have mastered the art of crying in public without anyone knowing; it's during one on one encounters when I sometimes get caught.

He says that I am an observer and then wipes away my tears; I realize I've been holding onto them since I was little.

I wonder if my old best friend ever found a love like the movies.

I hope she knows that she deserves so much more.

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